Exam Stress – and how to cope with it

Whether it is the junior cert, the leaving cert, or college exams: At a certain point, students have to prove their knowledge. For many, this turns into exam stress or even anxiety. The fear of failure is great. Lack of time, external expectations and your own demands increase the anxiety. Here you can find out what symptoms you may experience, how the stress can affect you and how you can cope with exam stress and anxiety.  

How does exam stress show itself? Depending on your own personality, exam stress can manifest itself in various ways. The most noticeable symptom for many is nervousness and tension. Cold hands, sweating, palpitations and gastrointestinal problems are all very common. Then there are thoughts: What if I don’t pass the exam? The fear of possible negative consequences can lead to sleep disturbances and even low moods but you can counteract the stress of exams.

How to get through the exams?

1. Make a plan

Good exam preparation is vital, so you could create a long-term study plan. First, collect all the topics and areas that you need to learn. Then determine how much time you have before the exam and distribute the learning material as evenly as possible over the weeks. This way, you can approach things in a structured manner.

2. What is your study style?

For difficult topics, it makes sense to know your own learning style. Some topics can be better understood through visual or auditory learning tools and ways. Then there is the learning environment: If you have too many distractions at home, you might be better off in the library. Others are drawn to the café or to the fresh air to study. Your stress level before exams will decrease if you study in the way that is best for you.

3. Lower your expectations

Exam stress is largely caused by high expectations – partly your own, partly those placed on you from outside. Lower those expectations. If you go into an exam with a more realistic attitude, the exam stress will also noticeably decrease immediately. Of course you want to pass and get good grades. But remember, the world doesn’t end if you don’t get top marks or fail an exam.

4. Seek support

Every student has subjects they fear more than others. This increases the stress of exams. You don’t have to face the problem alone. Get support before the exams. Set up a study group and talk to fellow students who can explain things to you that you haven’t understood yet. This increases your understanding and you will feel less stressed. It’s also good to talk to others who may also be unsure.

5. Take breaks

There is no point in looking at your documents for hours without a break. After 90 minutes at the latest, concentration and receptivity begin to decline. Therefore, take regular breaks in which you can anchor what you have learned. The best way to take a break is to go for a walk in the fresh air or some other form of relaxation that is free of major distractions.

6. Comply with your usual sleep routine

Some examinees tend to study to the last minute and sacrifice their sleep. However, this will increase your exam stress and achieve the exact opposite of what you are aiming for. Maintain your sleep pattern. Your body needs rest. Information is stored in long-term memory during sleep – exactly what you need for the exam. Lack of sleep on the other hand can cause problems with concentration.

What can help to cope with the stress? 

Movement  

Sport is fantastic for almost everything. When you work out and get your body moving, you can clear your head. Your body will reward you with endorphins that will strengthen your immune system, which is more easily weakened by stress. Whenever possible, build exercise into your everyday life, take the stairs instead of the elevator, go for walks more often. Get moving, especially outdoors, charge up on some fresh air and sunlight. Vitamin D in sunlight helps enhance low moods. Nice side effect: The green in parks or forests have a calming effect and help you to ground yourself.

Breathing Technique

Under the stress of exams, many “forget” to breathe properly, resulting in cramps or even hyperventilation. With conscious, deep abdominal breathing (don’t forget to breathe out!) you increase the amount of oxygen in your body and your brain can work better again. The star breathing technique (4-6-8 method) is also effective. Sit or stand upright with your shoulders straight. Put your hand on your stomach and try to breathe only through your nose – if possible without your chest rising. Then do the following: Breathe in slowly and deeply for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of six. Exhale slowly through your mouth and count to eight. Repeat five times (or more if needed).

Stress Ball

The stress ball is simple to use and effective. Simply press the squeeze ball until the exam stress subsides. Squeezing a stress ball before an exam has shown to improve performance noticeably and the error rate decreased. The effect is called “attention focus”. The manual distractive motion can literally solve mental blocks .

Buzz

This trick doesn’t work during the exam, but during the learning phase at home: hum or sing and the exam stress disappears in no time. Scientists assume that the vibrations have a calming effect on the body. Massage the vocal cords from the inside. This is how the larynx muscles signal to the Vagus nerve (relaxation nerve) that everything is okay. This in turn lowers blood pressure .

Pausing

If the exam stress is about to overwhelm you, pause for a moment. One method for doing this, for example, is mindfulness, in which you direct your attention to the here and now. Try to be aware of your surroundings. Another method is the so-called freeze frame method. You “freeze” the moment and consciously turn your attention to something positive. This short-term distraction with a positive feeling enables you to continue working with concentration afterwards.

Smile

Even if you don’t feel like smiling, try to smile consciously to reduce your exam stress. Researchers have been able to prove that smiling without a reason has the same effect as smiling for joy: the muscles involved signal to the brain that you are smiling and in return it releases happiness hormones. This can take the fear and pressure off your mind and ultimately leads to better concentration.

Relaxation Techniques

Relaxation exercises such as yoga or meditation require a certain routine in order to unfold their full effect. That is why they can have a lasting effect if practiced regularly. The relaxing benefits help you to mentally get away from the stress trigger. Instead, you are focusing on your body and the movements required. All this is for relaxation and leads to inner peace and calm.

Balance

Probably the most important tip during the exam phase: Make sure you balance yourself. Instead of burying yourself with learning material at home, you should plan enough free time and distractions. Of course, without alcohol before the exam day. But if you completely shut down your social contacts during the study phase, you rob yourself of motivation and increase the stress of the exams.

Nutritious Food

A healthy and balanced diet plays a major role when preparing for exams. It keeps the body fit and supplies the brain with the necessary nutrients. A good breakfast is vital to start the day. Studies have shown that students who did not eat in the morning did worse on tests than those who had breakfast. With certain foods, the so-called brain food, you can even increase your mental performance. Due to the many vitamins and minerals it contains, oats, for example, ensure an increased performance of the brain. Fruits such as strawberries or blueberries stimulate the transmission of information between the nerves and the brain and thus lead to better memory performance. 

The months, weeks, and days leading up to exams are not only stressful for students but often for their parents too. Turn2Me is launching a new online support group, the ‘Exam Stress Support Group’ on Thursday’s at 6pm. This group offers students and parents an anonymous, confidential and safe space to share their feelings around exam stress and anxiety. They can find ways of managing stress and most importantly how to look after themselves so they can stay focused but also healthy at the same time. It is an opportunity for parents to discuss and find out how they can best support their child and cope with the stress themselves.

ExamStress

Puberty – A Challenge for Parents and Teenagers

 

When a child starts puberty many parents feel as though their daughter or son is slipping through their fingers.

The adolescent is embarrassed by their parents, who are confronted with ever changing moods.

A quick exchange of words and the atmosphere between teenager and parents is rock bottom – once again. I know the feeling too well. Seeing your teenager rolling their eyes at you or throw annoying looks up in the air when you ask them to empty out the dishwasher once in a while. This is only the beginning, as my 11 year old daughter is strongly hitting for puberty.

I want to write this article not only as a therapist, but also as a parent starting to accompany my own child through puberty.

 

Before, parents were the greatest, but now they are only embarrassing. No matter how Mum or Dad behave, their teenage kids are mortified.

Puberty is a state of exception. After all, there is no such extreme development in humans as in the years of adolescence, except the first years of life. During this time their body and mind changes. And above all their attachment behaviour changes once more, which results in many conflicts.

Children do not question their love for their parents, they are unconditionally bound to their primal caregivers. In puberty, this bond suddenly dissolves. For the teenager their Mum and Dad become normal people with mistakes and annoying habits. If parents who have been childhood heroes all along and are now downgrading to a normal degree of a human being, continue to consist to their authoritarian position, will only get on their teens nerves. The teenager rebels and the parents are powerless.

The loss of attachment is also the reason why young people now decide to keep things to themselves or discuss things rather with their close friends than with their parents. This is understandably scary for the parents, as it can seem as though their child is slipping away.

Pedagogue Monika Czernin explains: “Parents experience a loss of love and control through the puberty of their children and the challenge is not to take that loss personally, but to understand it as part of an important process of separation.” The better that succeeds, the sooner the old parent-child relationship can become a new relationship between adults.

In bad mood…again?

Extreme mood swings are pretty normal in teenagers. Their tasks in development are huge and taking the step out of the safe family environment can be scary and highly confusing. Additionally, the last enormous growth spurt is hard work, the brain is rebuilt once again and sexuality awakens thanks to the release of hormones. If parents have the knowledge of the developmental biological background of this phase in life, it will make it easier for them to accept the mood swings.

There is always a reason for the lousy mood of a teenager, but most of the time it is just not clear to the parent what is bothering their child. Those parents who react to those moods in a calmly manner, maybe with some loving humour and interest can learn a lot about the world of an adolescent, about their happiness, struggles, trendy music and other things that are important to them. Parents who demand answers without showing empathy and compassion won’t get far with their moody child. Open questions like “What is going on for you?” or “What is annoying you?” can help the teenager to open up and share their struggles.

Is the word of the parents no longer valid?

Everything friends say is valid, but what parents say is not taken serious at all anymore. How do parents get through to their children?

The good news is, the attachment to parents doesn’t go away totally during the teenage years, it just becomes somewhat weaker and different. Instead of the parents, the youngster is more oriented on his friends. The attachment to them is quite crucial at this stage, as with their best friend or first love the attachment is as strong as it was with the parents before, which makes those relationships special.
It is all part of the growing up process and there will also be disappointments. The parents tasks in this is to give their children a safe space, a retreat from the difficulties and hardships of life. However, people can only gather strength in a place of warmth and openness, but parents who will criticise and say things like: “I told you so.” won’t get far.

Know the reasons and learn to understand your teenager

If you are able to understand a problem, it is much easier to handle it. This means, if parents know that it’s not their teenager, but their hormones that are all over the place, it becomes easier to deal with.
Just as an example, the release of the sleep hormone melatonin is delayed by 2 hours in teenagers. Therefore, tiredness sets in 2 hours later than usual and that explains why youngsters tend to be up until all hours.
The hormonal changes also lead to mood swings and as the brain is still developing to become more mature, teenagers often find it difficult to control or manage their emotions.

Psychiatrist Ralph Dawirs explains that children who are out of control and constantly against everything prove that all went well so far. Why? Only those who have a thick cushion of love and self-confidence can misbehave – without fear of losing love. The expert also knows: lies are normal. By lying teenagers practice their social skills. So, if the excuses are made well, let them pass.

At this stage in life young people start to ask themselves – who am I? What am I going to be? How popular am I? On top of questioning themselves and life they are learning about love and experience a bigger world around them. This is an important time now when they need to receive unconditional love and compassion instead of being judged or rejected for their behaviour.

A lot of patience is needed now. As in any relationship, perseverance is vital in the relationship with a teenager. This means that as a parent you also endure inharmonious phases – especially when it comes to rules. Of course, this can be a really tough part, as you may think back to the times when your now moody teenager was a real sweetheart. But we as parents can now see this as a new opportunity to build a new and stable relationship with an adolescent. From the parental focus on the children and the togetherness of the family, a different bond is formed. The attachment changes and it becomes a two-way- relationship, which can be very enriching for both sides.

 

3 ways of supporting your teenager that I personally found very helpful

 

1. Give your child the chance to make wrong decisions: If we want our children to become independent and confident individuals, we need to allow them to decide for themselves. They are still learning from us, just in a different way than before. They are testing our ideas and advice not by imitation, but by contemptuous rejection. Teenagers can be awkward in things they do. Everything is different and everything is new. Children (and we as adults too) learn to live by ‘trial and error’.

 

2. Don’t give in to peer pressure, but learn to understand it: The ultimate argument every teenager has is: ‘Everybody else is getting more pocket money, they have a mobile phone, the newest Playstation and they are allowed to stay out much longer.’ Never before or after in live is the peer pressure as high as in the teenage years. As a parent it is important to accept the challenge and to face the pressure the teenage child is passing on to you. If you can endure that you have achieved a huge nurturing challenge.

 

3. Keep ways for communication open: Out of worry, because you feel that something isn’t right and you have a suspicion there are problems in school, bullying, drugs or any other social crisis going on, then it is crucial to have already build up a good and trusting relationship to your child. Especially in such a difficult situation you want to help and be there for your child. Approach your teenager in a calm moment. Talking to your child carries far more importance to them then you may think. Build on the trust you have to each other and let them know that you will always be there for them. If they know they can trust you without being judged, it will become easier for them to open up about any problems they are confronted with. And let’s face it, the teenage years are full with problems and challenges for our children.

 

A last thought…Puberty will pass!

Teenagers need to be “against” us – if not us, who else? But we do not have to be against them, we are on their side. Solidarity with children is the first parental obligation. Often parents see it all too serious. We take care of too much and, above all, often the wrong things. First and foremost, we must make the souls of our children strong and love them like on the day they were born.

And…it passes! Almost all adolescents have become normal, nice, mature people! Just like yourself. It is easier to survive the time until then, when you take good care of yourself too. So you can still be a good role model!

Parents can imagine their teens like little chicks learning to fly. They start to practise, get further bit by bit, but will always come back to the nest in between for safety. They might fall to the ground too and get back up again to keep practising. Meanwhile, the old birds encourage the chicks to carry on and to take care of themselves. The parents continue to lovingly care for them until they are truly independent.

Domestic Abuse – What are the Signs and How can you Help

Today I want to share some knowledge and truths around domestic abuse. I have worked with many clients experiencing domestic abuse and I noticed over time that it is not getting any less. It is out there, much more than you may think. I really am keen on people becoming more aware of what domestic abuse is, how you can recognise it and how you as a friend or family member can help someone that is being abused by someone right now.

 

What is domestic abuse

Domestic abuse is more than being beaten by the abuser. There are various tactics of how abuse is carried out. Physical abuse is just one of them. Domestic abuse usually manifests in different, subtler, ways and are often a combination of many types of abuse.
Whether the abuse is visible or invisible, it does not only leave physical marks but it is also emotionally damaging to those affected by it. Even family members who are not directly involved, such as children are always affected by it too.
Particularly in relationships, the offender is able to use a wide range of abuse tactics through common obligations, children, managing finances and social relationships.

What types of abuse are there? 

• Verbal abuse (being insulted, shouted at, criticized or threatened)
• Emotional/ Psychological Abuse (being permanently blamed or accused, intimidated, consciously ignored, controlled, blackmailed, withdrawal of food/ nutrition, prohibitions, gaslighting*)
• Social Abuse (Isolation, control of social contacts and sabotaging them, banning of socialising with friends or family, no privacy and being controlled over emails, phones, social media etc., spreading rumours about the abused)
• Economic Abuse (having no control of finances nor money, being refused to access accounts, being banned to work or sabotaged like check-ups at the workplace etc.)
• Sexual Abuse (being pressured into sexual activity, publication of intimate images etc.)
• Physical Abuse (being locked in or locked out, being pushed, spat on, beaten, kicked, choked, being threatened with violence etc.)

These are only a few examples of the various facets of domestic abuse. It is also important to know that abuse does not only happen within partnerships and marriages, but it can also happen in a child/parent relationship, between siblings and grandparents/grandchildren and other forms of relationships.

While it is easier to spot physical abuse, it is much more difficult to recognise psychological or the other forms of abuse, as they do not show any marks as such. However, none of them is less bad or less painful. All forms of abuse are severely damaging and most of the time several different types of abuse are present.

 

The Most common question people would ask is:

Why would people stay in an abusive relationship and why is it so difficult to leave?

For an outsider it is often just too easy to say ‘why doesn’t she leave?’ or ‘He must enjoy it if he stays with her.’ But what really goes on behind closed doors is only known by the people who live behind that closed door. Domestic abuse is generally very much hidden and therefore not easy to recognise.
I would like for you as the reader to understand that leaving an abusive relationship is not easy. In fact, it is one if the hardest and most difficult decisions a survivor would make. It is not seldom that the survivor is afraid of the consequences and even quite often scared for their life if they were to leave the relationship. It is important to know that they may have been threatened, robbed of their self-esteem and confidence and most likely the person feels unworthy and as if the abuse may even be their own fault. Other reasons may be cultural beliefs, fear that others won’t belief them, hope that the abuse might stop, being isolated and having no support and often they have nowhere to go.

Add shame, stigma and the fear of losing their children to the mix, then I think you have quite a few arguments that might change your mind about asking the question ‘Why don’t they just leave?’

 

The most dangerous time for a female survivor of violence is when she is on the verge of leaving, and for at least six months afterwards. Urging her to leave may precipitate a catastrophic event.

(Adapted from: Responding to Domestic Abuse a Handbook for Health Professionals 2005)

 

How to recognise the signs

So, how can we as a family member, a friend, neighbour, colleague or even as a boss or GP recognise the signs of abuse? What signs do we need to look out for, if we feel ‘something is not quite right.’

Physical signs

• Visible injuries (bruises, scratches, bites, burns)
• Anxiety and panic attacks
• Self-Harm scaring

 

Behavioural signs

• Problem sleeping
• Social withdrawal

 

Psychological signs

• Depression
• Addictive behaviours (which is often used to cope with the abuse)
• Suicidal thoughts / being suicidal

 

Social signs

• Not being in a rush to go home after work or the other extreme rushing to go home/ fear of being late / needing to be home at a certain time
• Constant calls or text from the abuser
• Unexplained missing days in work/school/college
• Can seem paranoid or always concerned about what the abuser may think/do
• Can be overly friendly to others esp. people with authorities
• Very tight with money/ needing to ask abuser for money/ worried about spending even the smallest amount of money
• No access to accounts/ credit cards
• Very cautious with emails and social media accounts out of fear of being monitored and controlled

 

Verbal signs (listen attentively to what the victim may say/ or not say)

• Do they mention feeling responsible for the abuser’s behaviour?
• Are they making up excuses for the abuser?
• Do they belief they can ‘heal’ or help the abuser?
• When asked about the abuse, do they give answers like ‘But he does not hit me.’ Or ‘I deserve to be treated like that.’ Or ‘He promised to never do it again.’

 

Respond, address and document!

Please be always very mindful when supporting and helping the survivor, always be aware that they may be in danger and by interfering you could expose them to even more danger.

 

A safe space without judgment. If you are worried about someone and you suspect that this person is experiencing domestic abuse always make sure to find a safe place in which you can talk to them. Do not ever voice your suspicions in the presence of the potential abuser. Always keep in mind that the victim may be scared and does not want to talk about it, or even denies the abuse. A lot of patience is needed here.

The Do’s and Don’ts when offering support

DO:

1. Always believe them and take the fears and worries seriously
2. Listen properly and validate what they are saying and feeling
3. Support in the here and now: priority is the immediate safety
4. Show empathy and compassion, not sympathy
5. Be patient and accept what they decide to do
6. Only suggest help you know you can carry out, be realistic about what you can do for this person
7. Keep record of everything they tell you (in their own words), the injuries etc.
8. And most importantly keep it confidential and promote their safety

Don’t:

1. Don’t ask why they just don’t leave
2. Don’t force them into doing anything
3. Don’t doubt them in any way or blame them for the abuse
4. Don’t ask whether they may have provoked the abuser
5. Don’t hurry them to decide what their next step is and neither decide what may be best for them
6. Do not suggest couples counselling!
7. Don’t get discouraged if the person takes their time to make a decision or does not agree with you. This is a very difficult time for the person you want to help. They might tend to keep changing their minds.
8. Don’t try to solve problems, but rather inform about possibilities
9. Don’t ask for details of the abuse and don’t encourage them to talk about the trauma, as this can re-traumatise the person
10. Don’t take personal responsibility for the person
11. Do not break confidentiality or share their information without their clear consent

 

It may happen that when we address the situation with the survivor and ask them about the abuse they tend to play it down, which is their protective mechanism keeping them and the children safe.  The affected person may believe that they can prevent further escalation through trivialisation, adaptation, humility and obedience.
For example, if the police are called and the mistreated woman plays down what happened, like, “Nothing happened; It is all right! “, This is often a sign of the long-lasting stance of abuse and the existence of a traumatization. It is especially important for you, as the helper, to know that passivity and ambivalence are psychological consequences of the relationship.

 

It can be very tempting to confront the abuser. Do not do this! This will expose the person in concern into even more danger! The abuser will punish them for ‘telling on them’. In addition, the abuser will do his utmost to prevent the connection between you and those affected.

 

Remember Making a decision, whatever it may be, remains with the affected person. You are there for supporting them, not telling them what to do.

What you are doing is valuable first aid!

Refer

You can offer your support by providing the survivor with brochures, flyers and contact information of professional organisations that are set up to help the affected of domestic abuse.

Most of these organisations have their specially trained counsellors for supporting the survivor.Important: Encourage the person concerned not to present the information to their “partner”.

In the case of psychological abuse, this does by no means lead to insight and a positive change in the behaviour of the abuser, but to reactions such as: embarrassment of the affected persons, changes in the strategies of the abuser, and the abolition of contact between you and those affected.

You can set up a safe plan with the person. If the safe plan is documented on paper make sure this is kept away from the survivor’s household, so the abuser cannot find it or even accidentally comes across it.  The safe plan can include things like:

1. Emergency numbers
2. A safe place in case the person needs to get out fast
3. List of things needed when leaving (passports, birth cert for kids, bank details, phone numbers, PRSI/Social welfare card, court order/ documents, keys, money, medical card)
4. Keep a bag with necessities and clothes with a trusted relative/ friend
5. Helplines and contacts of refuges

 

And on a last note, please be patient with the survivor. It may take weeks or months until the person will make use of the information.

And refrain from asking questions like: Have you called the counselling centre?”, “Have you read the book?”, “Have you looked for a therapist?” These questions can pressurise the affected person. And they can also cause a sense of shame.

Most abusers are eager to keep control over the communication channels of those affected. Therefore, it is useful to offer the survivor a second hand mobile phone with a prepaid card and internet access outside of their household.

 

If you suspect that somebody is suffering domestic abuse please do not hide behind your own door. Please do not think what goes on behind other people’s door is none of your business…It IS your business, MAKE it your business. If you keep looking away, you enable the abuser to keep going and at the same time you prohibit to help the victim.

 

Services

Ireland

ADAPT Services, Limerick – Refuge and supports for women – 1800 200 504

Clare Haven Services, Ennis – Refuge and supports for women – 065 682 2435

Ascend Services Roscrea – Support Services – 0505 23379

Rape Crisis Mid-West – Supports for Men and Women – 1800 311 511

http://www.adaptservices.ie http://www.safeireland.ie

http://www.mwvaw.ie www.womensaid.ie

 

UK

www.womensaid.org.uk

24-hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline 0808 2000 247

www.refuge.org.uk

http://www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk/

Scottish Women’s Aid Helpline: 0800 027 1234 (24/7)

http://www.victimsupport.com/

Victim Support 0845 30 30 900

Website for children and young people witnessing domestic violence http://www.thehideout.org.uk/

Live Fear Free – All Wales Domestic Abuse & Sexual Violence Helpline: 0800 802 4040

http://www.livefearfree.gov.wales/

Northern Ireland Women’s Aid Federation – 24hr Domestic and Sexual Violence Helpline: 0808 802 1414  http://www.niwaf.org/

Broken Rainbow Freephone: 0800 999 5428 www.brokenrainbow.org.uk  (LGBT Domestic Abuse)

 

References:

Responding to Domestic Abuse a Handbook for Health Professionals 2005

www.adaptservices.ie

Stay Connected – How Do I Speak To My Teenager About Mental Health

Communicating with teenagers can become difficult during puberty. Parents
often find their teenagers closed off, dismissive, cheeky, or disrespectful. How
can mothers and fathers still talk to them?

Accept the challenge and stay tuned in when it comes to communication. Conversation is
vital to stay connected. Don’t just talk to your child to make rules or to resolve conflicts but
talk about the trivial and unimportant things too. And remember to keep laughing together!

Difficult behaviour during puberty can be challenging, but it is not always a cause for
concern. However, if the behaviour of children, adolescents and young adults (with or
without an identifiable cause) changes suddenly and massively, this may be a sign that they
need their parents to be clued in and supportive. Often, when parents try to talk to their
child about what is bothering them, they get no answers as it can be very difficult to open
up. Working towards good mental health and seeking help early means that teens can get
back on their feet more quickly when problems arise.

Teens who are connected to caring adults can feel and do better again with some support.
As parents you don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be open, curious, and
compassionate.

How to talk to a teenager about Mental Health
Be interested – Show interest in your teen when they want to talk. It is okay to ask
questions to get the conversation started.
Openness – It is vital for parents to be open and honest when communicating with their
teenager about emotions. When teenagers know what it’s like for their parents when they
feel bad, they will understand their own emotions more, worry less and will not feel any
shame towards themselves when they are struggling.
Be genuine -Teens can see right through an adult who is “faking it.” If you’re feeling
uncomfortable in a discussion with a young person, admit it. Say something like, “This is
hard for me to talk about, so I totally understand if it’s difficult for you too.”
Allow for silence – Just like anyone, teens may struggle at times to express what they want
to say. Interrupting a silent moment may prevent someone from having enough time to
formulate their thoughts—be patient.
Normalise – Don’t make Mental Health out to be something that needs to be kept quiet,
this only adds to stigma. As an introduction to a conversation, it can be helpful to let them
know that struggles with mental health can occur very frequently and can affect anyone.
Also communicate that everyone can have a bad day, or week, at times. It’s normal to feel
low, stressed, or anxious when we experience conflict, disappointment, loss, or other
upsetting situations.
It’s ok not to be ok – let your teenager know that it is okay to feel down, anxious or to be
struggling. And let them know that it is okay to ask for help and accept the same.
The Setting – Make sure to have a conversation about mental health with your teenager
wherever you and your teen is comfortable. Maybe taking them out to dinner will help open
up conversation. Often teenagers find it easier to talk while doing another activity, like
driving in the car, cooking or baking together, or walking the dog. Sometimes talking during
an activity that requires little eye contact can make the conversation more comfortable.
Validate – Mental health challenges can occur at any age. Wondering what a young person
has to be depressed or anxious about implies to them that their life experiences and
emotions are less valid just because of their age. It is most important to validate how your
teenager feels without judging them. Listen carefully what they are telling you and take it
serious. When their emotions and struggles are acknowledged and validated they feel heard
and they know they can talk to you about what is bothering them.
Needs – Ask your teen what they need. They might already have a good idea of the next
steps they would like to take. You do not have to have the answers. This is an opportunity to
learn together.

Signs
These are some signs that your teen is struggling. These may not point to a mental illness,
but they show that it’s time to talk with your teen and then with a doctor or mental health
professional to see what’s going on and how you can help your teenager:

• Anxiety – when it seems out of control or extreme for some situations
• Low mood – if it lasts for a long time or frequent tearfulness
• Unusually high mood – racing thoughts or ideas, sudden hyperactivity and nearly
manic behaviour
• Hopelessness and Worthlessness – frequent talk of feeling worthless, blaming
oneself when things go wrong, talk about death or that they have no hope, or
wanting to escape
• Excessive irritability or anger – getting angry very easily and feeling irritable at
seemingly small things
• Eating – Changes in eating habits, weight loss or weight gain
• Sleeping – unhealthy sleeping patterns, difficulties going to sleep or wanting to sleep
all the time
• Self-injury or self-harm – hurting themselves or inflicting injury to themselves
• Memory – Difficulties remembering information or other things

Finally: Take care
It is important that you take care of yourself! If you feel that you cannot address your child’s
needs and fears, give yourself some time and calm and seek the dialogue again when you
feel better.
The more we normalise the conversation around mental health the easier it will be for
young people to reach out and start a conversation when they have the need to talk.

Feeling worse after therapy? – This is a good sign!

Have you ever been to one or more of your therapy sessions where you came out feeling worse than you felt before you went in? Did you ask yourself why therapy is not always a place that makes you feel better?

You know what, it is actually okay to come out after a session and feel a bit off afterwards.
It happened to me too (Yes, us therapists aren’t immune to feeling low either) and that is why I would like to share my experience. With this blog, I want to heighten the awareness around what it can be like and why we can feel down after a therapy session.

Therapy is not necessarily there to make you feel happy after every session. I recently learnt this myself that it can hit you like a ton of bricks, totally unexpected. In this particular session, things had been stirred and dug up. A lot had been brought into my consciousness that was thoroughly repressed in my subconscious. During this process, I learnt the reasons for some of my behaviour in certain situations.

I won’t lie, I felt crap after this session. I did not want to see anyone. I did not want to explain to anyone. All I wanted was to be left alone (which is not easy in my busily scheduled life).
Suddenly, I had all these emotions in my stomach and all these thoughts going around my head. Everything and everyone seemed to trigger stuff in me. That is why I needed to digest all these sensations in my stomach that I could feel so strongly. I felt raw and vulnerable.

During my next therapy session, me and my therapist worked with what had been going on for me in the previous week. I started to understand why I felt crap and why it is okay to feel like that. In fact, and this may sound strange, but I learnt that it is good to feel crap after a session.
What was happening here? Basically, I began to feel my emotions. Whereas before, I used to operate from my head and was always well able to rationalise things, which I now know is only a defence mechanism. My head made sure I ignored and undermined my own feelings. My own protection was to express them in certain behaviours instead of talking about them or even just feeling them.

Coming out of therapy and moving from my head into my body, where I could feel all these emotions, was uncomfortable at first, but I now see it as a big step forward, a progress within me. I felt crap and that was good. I was becoming aware of my inner world. This was an opportunity for me to start challenging some of my core beliefs and to rebuild my trashy inner world.

While I have many sessions where I come out feeling relieved and much lighter, I know I will still have sessions that are going to throw me off completely. This will be due to new stuff being made conscious, which is hard work for mind and body. For those days, I need all my strength and tools to help me come back up again. Thankfully, one or two people noticed, who encouraged me to talk and actually asked me “Are you ok?” or “What is going on for you?” It is good to know that I am not alone in this.

And you are not alone either. Talk about it. Get your feelings out and get back to connect with your emotions. If you notice feeling down after a session, don’t dismiss therapy and think that this is not helping you at all…because if you feel down, as odd as it sounds…this is good. It means you are processing things that came up in therapy…you are making progress.
Be proud of yourself for putting so much hard work into your own well-being, you are amazing and you are worth it!

Taking on the Challenge – My experience of attending Therapy

Deciding to see a therapist and seek counselling is one hell of a difficult choice to make. Reaching out is not easy and I have seen with my own clients how challenging it can be. Today I want to share about my own struggle of reaching out to look for the right support for myself. I want to let you as the reader know that I know exactly how tough it can be to pick up the phone and make that initial appointment.

Luckily, technology gives us a wide range of options how to connect with others. For me, picking up the phone was not that simple. I admit, it took me years to even realise that I needed help and support from a professional. Once I was able to acknowledge this, months passed until I went online to look up numbers of local therapists. When I had gathered a few numbers, I let it settle and again it took me weeks to make the first contact. I found it easier to text, so I sent out a few text messages very briefly outlining what I needed help with. I carefully worded my message and was nervous enough sending them out. Finally, I did it. Now, it was out there! Whoever I would decide to book an appointment with would know from the word go why I am coming to see them. There was no way to hide behind anything else anymore, like I did with several other therapists before.

As soon as the therapists replied to me, I pushed myself into speaking to them. I needed to get a feel of what it was like to talk to them. Would I feel at ease working with them? Would I feel judged? Would I be able to trust? Would I be able to let all my guards down and show them how I truly feel?

I sat down and started to ring one therapist after the other, whilst I had this weird tingly feeling all over my stomach area, noticing how it was moving up into my chest making it feel really tight. I was aware that my heart started to beat faster. It was moving up giving me this strange sensation in my throat and at this stage I was hoping it won’t travel any further, as I know myself just too well that if I started to stress out about it any further it will turn into the very much dreaded headache. I needed to mind myself right now.  So, I took a deep breath, held it and slowly released it again. I had to repeat this a few times before I turned to my phone to dial the number. As I was typing I felt my heart beating faster again, I took more deep breaths while listening to the ring tone on the other end. Thankfully, I had prepared and noted down what I wanted to say and ask, which helped me not to forget any important points I needed to discuss before making the decision which therapist I will feel most comfortable with. After all, this was the first time I would speak about it.

I remember particularly one therapist who talked about having extensive experience in the field, but as soon as the conversation started I felt an instant sense of judgement. They talked about my difficulties as if this was a medical and biological issue. I know my heart and soul I would not be going on medication. I knew my issue was not biological but rather a battle within myself. It was acceptance, support and compassion I needed in order to heal. I wanted to learn and understand what has brought me to this point in life and how I could help myself to overcome this. One therapist I spoke to put me at ease straight away. I felt comfortable and it really felt okay to talk to her. I knew instantly she was the one I wanted to work with.

Eventually the day arrived when I had my first appointment with the new therapist and the nervousness came back with a bang. Again, I felt all these sensations all over my body, my hands started to sweat and in my mind I had prepared what I was going to say in the first session. I had stomach pains and tried to breathe them away while I drove to my appointment. The closer I got, the more I could feel how tense I was. The thoughts were going ninety around my head and suddenly I wasn’t so sure if I could do this, if I wanted to do this. After all I was going to disclose something that I have never even verbalised to myself before. I was going to share this with a person I have never met. Suddenly, it did not really seem like a great idea to me. I had a battle going on in my head, but I needed to do this. So, I put one foot in front of the other and approached the door, my heart still racing, hands still sweating and stomach still churning. I came that far, so I went for it. I took on this challenge and even though it was one of the hardest steps I ever took it was one of the best things I have ever done. As soon as I met my therapist and sat down, I immediately felt comforted by her. She understood and I knew she got what I was saying to her…I felt validated and heard.

I love going to therapy now. I am so glad I overcame the fear and shame. I look forward to attending the sessions regularly and even though I still have a long way to go yet, I have learnt so much, which I am really grateful for.

I hope that letting you, the reader, in on my experience of deciding to attend therapy makes you aware that therapists have been through what you may be going through right now. I know what it is like to approach the dreaded first appointment, not knowing what to expect and going into the unknown.
If you are currently debating with yourself whether to reach out, remember, your therapist will absolutely understand the fears and uncertainty. They most likely have been exactly where you are right now. I know, I have been there and I know how daunting it can be to take this most important step to recovery.
Believe in yourself, you can do this!

3 Steps to Self-Acceptance

Many of us are finding it difficult to like themselves. Unhappiness in us often comes from struggling to accept ourselves just as we are. We tend to judge everything we say or do, even belittle our own looks in a way we would never criticise anybody else around us. Bluntly, we are our very own worst critics. During my work with clients I have noticed how rude people can be with themselves and when I explore this with them it becomes very clear that they would never speak to anybody else like that. So, why are we doing this to ourselves? It brings us down and makes us feel bad about us. The more we keep putting ourselves down, the more we believe our own thoughts.

The judgements we make put our whole person in question. If you noticed that you have been doing the same and you tend to disapprove of yourself you might find it helpful to read about the 3 following steps of Self-Acceptance I am going to talk about in this article.
Here you can learn some ideas of how to escape the self-judgment and be happier and relaxed within yourself.

The basis for a positive change is to accept yourself and accept things as they are. Because if you deny it internally, it becomes difficult to change it. And with the experiences I went through myself I learnt that many problems disappear as soon as they are accepted.

The 3 Steps to Self-Acceptance

1. You are not your Behaviour

This awareness is very important if you want to accept yourself. If you say or do something that you regret afterwards, do not refer this to yourself as a whole person. Nearly everyone who struggles to accept who they are make this very same mistake. They think if they do something wrong, they ARE the mistake. It is important to separate between your behaviour and you as a person.

Everybody makes mistakes, and that is good in one way, as we learn from them. But it does not mean you need to put yourself down and believe you are a bad person.
You are amazing as you are, you are unique in your own way and this makes you YOU.
You need to see and take yourself as that amazing person you are.

The next time you make a mistake accept that it happened and think about what you can learn from that mistake, or what you could do better the next time. Then let it go, be good to yourself.

It is the same if you do not like something about yourself. If, for example, you carry a few pounds more or have a crooked nose, well then it is what it is. This does not make you a bad person.

Separate between yourself as a person, your behaviour and your appearance.

 

2. Your Self-Evaluation is not the Reality

This is also a very significant point!

Know, how you see and assess the world around you.
Often, those who cannot accept themselves perceive a situation as their reality and relate it to themselves.

So, what does that mean?

John is walking down the road on one side of the footpath. At that moment, he sees his friend on the other side of the road also on the footpath coming towards him. John waves at him, but gets no reply. His friend walked past without waving or greeting back, not even acknowledging John.

Thoughts are going through John’s mind:
“Oh he ignored me, he doesn’t like me anymore. I must have done something wrong and now he is upset and does not want to talk to me anymore.”

“I am stupid and an idiot for doing something wrong!”

What is happening here?
John think his friend does not want anything to do with him anymore. He believes his friend is not talking to him anymore because of something John did.

But what did really happen?
John walked on one side of the road and his friend walked past him on the other side. – Nothing else.
John has no clue what his friend might have been thinking. He just imagined why his friend didn’t wave back. He sees this as his reality and therefore rejects himself. But these are only John’s thoughts.

Fact is, he did not wave back. But maybe he just did not notice John on the other side, as he was caught up in his own thoughts, maybe he has been worrying about something that was bothering him and did not even see John waving at him. Maybe he lost his glasses and was on the way to the optician and literally could not see John. There are a million and more possibilities why he did not wave back. But John referred it to himself without considering any other options.

The next time you are in a situation in which you judge yourself, ask yourself the following questions:

• Is it really true what I think?
• Could it be possible, it may be different to what I am thinking?
• What alternatives are there?

And then accept the situation just as it is. Do not dwell on your thoughts.

 

3. Forgive and be good to Yourself

As a third step: If you want to accept yourself, then forgive yourself.

Forgive all your mistakes, all judgements, all negative words against yourself, and all the damage you have done to yourself.

Sit down and write a letter to yourself, forgive yourself for everything that is fuelling the negative thinking about you, for everything you did and said that makes you feel bad about yourself.

Then, accept yourself, take yourself just as you are.

This is the first step to loving yourself.

First comes the self-acceptance and then learn to be good to yourself.

If you make a mistake, forgive and learn from it.

If you say or do something silly, then forgive yourself and be kind to yourself.

If you are good to yourself, you will notice other people being good and kind to you too.

So, start right there: accept yourself, be good to yourself and learn to love yourself!

Creating and Colouring Mandalas – A Mirror of your Soul

“A mandala is the psychological expression of the totality of the self.” – Carl G. Jung –

There has been a huge trend over the last couple of years in adult colouring. Adult colouring books are everywhere to be got and not only for children but also for adults colouring has proven to be highly popular as a relaxation method. It helps to calm down after a stressful day in the office and is a great tool to quieten the busy mind.
There are countless of colouring books out there featuring animals, plants and flowers, creative designs or mandalas.

My own colouring box under the coffee table (or let’s say the colouring box my kids love to share with me) is full of different books and designs to get creative with. Personally, I feel mostly drawn to mandalas and I have more than once felt their healing powers while getting stuck in with several different shades of colours.

Today I want to share one or two things about mandalas and what they can do for our healing.
The mandala is a universal symbol that points to the unity, polarity and totality of man in his relation to the universe. Mandala comes from Sanskrit and means as much as circle or holy circle.

As Carl Jung said ‘The eye is the prototype of the mandala’. And it goes further, we come across mandalas in all walks of life: the planets and the sun, even the conceptual circles of friends and family, architecture, and it’s even found in biology, geology, astronomy and much more.
Particularly in religious traditions mandalas are very dominant, symbolising the divine and the universe, its unity and multiplicity, its mystery and revelation. In the middle of traditional mandalas are often highly meaningful symbols such a diamond, a golden flower, a god or a mythological figure.

Even Carl Jung used mandalas in his self -discovery. He himself drew mandalas regularly for many years without even realising the significant meaning mandalas have in the eastern world as a meditative object. The mandala helped him especially in crisis situations to bring order and orientation into his fantasies. He believed his spontaneous drawing of mandalas corresponded to his own inner world. For him the mandalas were a symbolic statement about the state of his self, which was given to him by the unconscious. He believed that he could see his whole self in the work.

“Only when I began to paint the mandalas did I see that everything, all the ways I went and all the steps I took, brought me back to one point, the centre. It became clearer to me that the mandala is the centre. It is the expression for all the path ways. It is the way to the centre, to individuation.” (Jaffe, Jung, 1962)

Mandalas are especially powerful in the way Jung used them when it appears as a spontaneous image of the psyche. Once Jung was aware of the healing properties he used them in therapy to help his clients work on their psychological issues and it helped to strengthen their personalities. Mandalas serve as an important tool to personal and spiritual development.

Mandalas have a special meaning in many religions and are often used in meditation or visualizations.

The colouring of mandalas has several positive effects:

• It relaxes, helps to unwind and relieve stress
• The busy flow of thoughts starts to calm down while colouring
• Creativity and concentration are encouraged
• It has a soothing effect and increases serenity
• It gives the freedom to express feelings in a non-threatening way

As already mentioned there are lots of colouring books out there featuring mandalas or even the internet would be hugely resourceful for printing out some templates.
However, it is particularly therapeutic to create your own mandala. It is not that difficult and even children can get stuck in. A fairly simple method would be to start with a big and plain circle on a blank sheet of paper. You then begin at the centre of the image and mark this point with a dot. This is your starting point, the point from which everything comes and grows.

Several circles of different sizes can then be drawn from the centre. The more circles that are drawn the more they will overlap and start to form various shapes. Sometimes this method can create abstract images or motifs such as blossoms. Another possibility is to draw a certain motif into the centre and arrange additional symbols around it.
Before you start colouring in your newly designed mandala, it might be helpful to make a few copies. This will give you the option to create the same mandala in different colours. You may be amazed at how different it can look.

“The mandalas basic motif is the premonition of a centre of personality, a kind of central point within the psyche, to which everything is related, by which everything is arranged, and which is itself a source of energy.”  – Carl G. Jung –

When you want to sit down to create your own mandala try not to think too much about what colours or shape you can use, just simply start colouring. Mandalas are created in your unconscious mind and are a reflection of your soul, your inner world. Symbolic images often come to us when we are in a deep relaxation e.g. while doing yoga or during meditation or even just by listening to a beautiful piece of music. Sometimes we can see colours or symbols in our mind. This is the perfect moment to grab a paintbrush or some colouring pencils and to start creating this inner image.
Try not to get distracted, no TV and no phones, just colour.

It is not about making your mandalas as perfect and beautiful as possible, the result is not important. It is more about the colouring itself and the quality time with yourself. So, just let it flow and feel what you need to create. Trust your intuition, it will guide you.

And most importantly…ENJOY and RELAX!

Sandplay Therapy – An alternative Approach to Talk Therapy

“It is in playing and only in playing that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self.” – Donald Winnicott –

Sandplay Therapy is based on Carl Jung’s psychodynamics and a number of other child and Jungian therapists such as Lowenfield, Klein and Kalff. It is a method that allows a non-verbal therapeutic approach in psychotherapy for people of all ages and was developed as we know it today by the Swiss therapist Dora M. Kalff (1904-1990). Sandplay Therapy is used worldwide and was originally a therapy form for children but is now also used in therapeutic work with adults. This approach originates and grew out of children’s need to put toys in to a box, a need for containment. This is a powerful therapeutic technique. Through the work in the sandtray a mental process is set in motion, which aids the healing process and the development of one’s personality. The symbolic creations and play work really well when integrated in other techniques and methods of psychotherapy. A very important requirement for the sandplay is the provision of a safe space in which clients can free their imagination with the help of sand, water and small objects (symbols). Clients express their deepest inner world in the sandtray, which is then built into talk therapy.

A specially made sandtray in a specific size is filled with sand. The size of the tray is the exact size to suit the human field of vision, so that the individual can see the whole tray as one without having to turn their head. The inside of the tray is blue to represent water, rivers and lakes. My clients have the choice between two trays. In one tray the sand stays dry and in the other tray the client is free to mix the sand with water. Clients then create their scene with sand, water and symbols such as humans, animals, plants, buildings, vehicles and natural materials like stones, shells, etc. The symbols I have are sorted by topics in open shelving, such as fantasy, wild animals, dinosaurs, pets, people, fairytale, and more.
Such an extensive collection takes time to gather. The hunt for new symbols has become a passion for me and there is no car boot sale or second hand shop that I pass by without having a peek to see if I can get hold of some new additions. Constant collecting and updating symbols is absolutely necessary to go with the change of time.

“Real liberation comes not from glossing over or repressing painful states of feeling, but only from experiencing them to the full.” – Carl Jung –

Without a specific theme, abstract or concrete representations can emerge spontaneously from the given material. The presented scenes in the tray are symbolic illustrations of feelings, experiences or unconscious conflicts and may hold some answers.

The sandplay taps into the hidden psychological depths, which are often difficult to access for our conscious and logical thinking. It accesses what has been hard to express by the person. Through sandplay unconscious processes are visualised in a creative three-dimensional form, which is similar to dream-work.

When I accompany my clients, touching into the unconscious areas of their psyche to open up possibilities for changes, the sandplay therapy shows a favourable effect. When unconscious becomes conscious, it can then be worked on and further processed. Having a scene, an event or a specific situation presented in the tray often makes it much clearer and real for my clients. When they can see their own creation right there in front of them it is not seldom that there is a tense silence in the therapy room in which my client’s thinking is highly stimulated. This process is incredibly important for their healing and a lot of the time clients find their own clarification and answers in the tray.

The experience in sandplay therapy is very similar to active fantasizing. Therefore, it is crucial that my clients are not being distracted by cognitive thinking patterns. I do not analyse emerging scenes throughout the process, so that my clients can be fully present within their own play, while I remain silent observing it all close by. Any verbal interpretation can interrupt the process. The silence helps to honour the experience, so that the inner progression of my clients is enhanced.

Symbolism

Similar to dreams, the psyche is being expressed through symbols. Ambivalences, blockages and resources become visible and comprehensible.
Sand as the primary material of nature is a strong symbol of eternity. We all know from past holidays and childhood memories its magical attraction. Sand has meditative qualities and has a very grounding effect. The combination of the two elements sand and water are an ideal building material to construct playful creations. Often clients are reminded of their childhood when handling the dry or wet sand and reconnect with early memories and experiences. Sand can be shaped and transformed in so many different ways and, like a good mother, it can be experienced as viable, sustainable, and in a certain way indestructible. It survives wars, floods and other disasters, which are often played out by children. The sand can serve as a foundation for dramatic games or can be the basis for any landscape.
Every person connects with a symbol in a certain way. Regardless, of how well clients know the object or symbol, it may remind them of something in their life. Once my clients start to pick their symbols I tell them to pick what attracts them, what calls or jumps out at them. The chosen symbols don’t always need to be the objects or animals they like. It may happen that an animal or a certain symbol stands out, which may even evoke negative emotions in them. If the client feels the symbol is calling out to be picked, then it probably needs to be in the tray in order to encourage the healing process. When clients choose their symbols, they are consciously or unconsciously associating it with an event or a memory. Events and memories are always filled with emotions. These emotions are of great importance in the sandplay, as the interaction of active play and experiences, combined with feelings, leads to the fact that hardly anything is forgotten about.
As a sandplay therapist I need to have an in-depth knowledge and a personal interest in symbolism. Symbols represent something and can have a number of different meanings. A symbol has a personal meaning to any of my clients and it can be positive or negative. Additionally, every symbol also has a universal meaning. Like for instances the dog stands for loyalty and unconditional love. But for someone who has been bitten by a dog, it can have a negative personal meaning. Therefore, I need to be mindful of listening of what my clients see in the tray and what meaning it has to them, so I don’t collide with my own personal meanings.

My role as the therapist is to make sure my clients are in a safe and containing space. I am there to support them on their journey and enable the play rather than directing it.

Those who work in the sand work on themselves and enter the world of self-discovery and healing.

I am a Therapist and I need Therapy too

Therapists can often hesitate quite a while before seeking therapeutic help. I know I have! And I want to tell my story about my own struggle to seek help.
It is not unusual that therapists look for counselling to work through their own issues. Let’s face it…we all have parts within ourselves that needs work. We as therapists are not perfect either and we have the duty to look after ourselves as much as we encourage our clients to look after themselves. Because only who can help one self can help others.

Even though I knew all this, I was oblivious to what I needed for myself. I thought I had the perfect life and I was convinced that I am okay. I believed there was no need for me to go to therapy. Sure, what would I be talking about? My childhood was great; I grew up in a safe and secure home surrounded by a loving family. I was a good student in school, had friends around me and just lived and enjoyed growing up.
To this day I do love my life and would not change it for the world. I have achieved a lot of things that I am proud of and I am still striving for more goals I want to reach.

However, I needed help too, and I still do.
It took me a while to see it and to accept that I need to reach out for professional support to help myself.
I went through life believing I don’t need help. People around me see me as being strong and grounded. But in addition, there is also another part in me that is broken, vulnerable and crying out for help.
What I show the world and people around me is my Outer Self…Yes, it is me, but it is only a part of my real Self. There is still another part of me that has been hidden away, ready to receive the compassion it needs, as it has been criticized and judged by my Lower Self far too long.

Finally, I decided to find another therapist and give this another go. At this point I have been through 3 different therapists until I found the one that was right for me. I felt I could finally be as open and honest as I have never been before with anyone. I was finally ready to explore my inner world and dig into my unconscious. I won’t lie, the unconscious is a scary place to dig around, but it is so worth it.
I thought showing only my strong sides is a strength, but no – showing that I am a vulnerable person too with my very own struggles is real strength. I have my inner battles to fight and I am not ashamed anymore to admit it.
When being asked how I am, I don’t often say ‘I am not ok. I am finding it tough today.’ I would now say it more than I used to, but at the same time I do know that I still need to drop my protective shield a bit more.

When the time is right and I feel ready to speak about my journey I will do this in a different article, but for now reflective work and a good therapist is what I need.

The work I am doing now is a working progress, I know I still need my therapist’s assistance. I am not there yet but I am on my way.
I am in a good place and enjoy what I am doing. I know what I want. My personality and keeping my focus has always helped me to achieve my goals. My next goal is to tackle this last peace that has been stuck in my inner world for so long.

With this article, I want to make aware that therapists need help too, nobody is perfect. My perfectionism has put me under a lot of strain and pressure to always perform well and to portray this (impossibly) perfect picture of myself.

I want to make aware that we as therapists have gone through painful journeys too. Many of us do know what our clients go through. We can truly feel their pain and can entirely empathise with what is going on for them.

I know how hard it is to open up. Therefore, please don’t get discouraged if it takes a few attempts to find the right therapist that makes you feel comfortable enough for you to share your inner world with.
I now understand how hard it is to take up the courage to reach out and ask for help.

Open up…talk…and keep the conversation going!
With the right support by your side it is possible to recover.